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Winter 1998

25 Ways To Know If you've Been in Corporate America Too Long

By Debbie Depp

You know what they say... 'Tis the season to be jolly! And it's in this spirit that we offer the following piece of corporate humor which came to us via e-mail. So take moment to sit down and enjoy a chuckle.

  1. You ask the waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are.
  2. You decide to re-org your family into a "team-based organization."
  3. You refer to dating as test marketing.
  4. You can spell "paradigm."
  5. You actually know what a paradigm is.
  6. You understand your airline's fare structure.
  7. You write executive summaries on your love letters.
  8. Your Valentine's Day cards have bullet points.
  9. You think that it's actually efficient to write a ten-page presentation with six other people you don't know.
  10. You celebrate your wedding anniversary by conducting a performance review.
  11. You believe you never have any problems in your life, just "issues" and "improvement opportunities."
  12. You explain to your bank manager that you prefer to think of yourself as "highly leveraged" as opposed to "in debt."
  13. You end every argument by saying "let's talk about this off-line."
  14. You can explain to somebody the difference between re-engineering, down-sizing, right-sizing, and firing people's butts.
  15. You actually believe your explanation in number 14.
  16. You talk to the waiter about process flow when dinner arrives late.
  17. You refer to your significant other as "my co-CEO."
  18. You like both types of sandwiches: ham and turkey.
  19. You start to feel sorry for Dilbert's boss.
  20. You account for your tuition as capital expenditure instead of an expense.
  21. You insist that you do some more market research before you and your spouse produce another child.
  22. At your last family reunion, you wanted to have an emergency meeting about their brand equity.
  23. Your "deliverables" for Sunday evening are clean laundry and paid bills.
  24. You use the term "value-added" without falling down laughing.
  25. You give constructive feedback to your dog.

If you answered yes to any of the above, it's time for a break. So take some time off to enjoy the holidays, have a few laughs, and above all forget about work!

 Productivity Pointers

Priorities drives performance. Without the right priorities a company will quickly get derailed from its destination.

Top performers distinguish themselves by focusing on the priorities that exceed that corporate goals, while delighting the customer.

To stay on track priorities need to be constantly and clearly communicated, so that everyone is driving in the right direction.

Performance drives progress. Monitoring your organization’s improvement over time is the key to sustaining sales productivity. Measurable performance processes support the goal of improved customer satisfaction and referrals, long-term relationships, and repeat business. As a result, cost savings and increased profitability can be expected.

Progress drives payback. Every company must have the ability to convert its investment in sales and marketing into revenue and profits.

For instance, a 5% improvement in customer retention increases revenue by 17%. Other forms of payback may include stronger company image, better morale, faster decision-making, and lower operating costs.

As you solve problems and establish new priorities you continue to create new opportunities. And so the process continues in a closed-loop system.
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